Why does it have to be you?
I mean seriously, there are so many people out there.
& For some reason it has to be you who's stuck in my head.
Every goddamn day there you are.
& I hate it
& The worst thing about it is no one knows it's you.
No one knows how I feel about you.
After all these years.
Sure there have been moments.
Where maybe, just maybe something could've have gone further.
But it didn't. It never did. It never will.
& Maybe that is why this won't go away.
That's why it plays on my mind daily.
Everytime I see your name, or your face.
Someone who looks similar.
Who catches my eye.
Because of their hair, their eyes, smile, height.
Anything.
What's even better is you'll never know either.
If after everything we've been through over the past 6 or more years,
If nothings come of us, then why attempt it all now?
All I know is everything used to seem so comfortable when you were there.
& Since you've gone away, I just feel a little lost.

I hate being female.